Celebrity haiku, redux

Posting stuff from celebrity birthdays and deaths earlier this year, B.B. (Before blog.) There will be lots more like this when I get into musicians. I think Al Green’s the only musical type lumped in here.

Jan. 24, Jack LaLanne dies at age 96. This plays off the sportswriter Jim Murray’s comment when Casey Stengel died that “God is getting an earful tonight.”

Goodbye Jumping Jack
God is getting a workout
This morning for sure

March 23, Liz Taylor dies at age 79.

Goodbye Liz Taylor
Violet eyes to die for
And you could act, too

Goodbye Liz Taylor
Others tried to look like you
But no one else could

Goodbye Liz Taylor
You looked good enough to eat
In “Butterfield 8”

Goodbye Liz Taylor
Blue Ribbon child acting:
“National Velvet”

Goodbye Liz Taylor
In “Cleopatra” you ruled
As only you could

‘Bye Liz Taylor, “Who’s
Afraid of Virginia Woolf”
Was frighteningly good

Goodbye Liz Taylor
We’d crawl ‘cross a hot tin roof
To sizzle with you

Goodbye Liz Taylor
A road sign for your lovers:
Danger, curves ahead

Goodbye Liz Taylor
You were the marrying kind
And proved it eight times

Goodbye Liz Taylor
We hope you’ve finally found
A place in the sun

April 13

What a birthday day
Don Adams, Al Green, Al Butts
— Scrabble’s creator

Adams’ Maxwell Smart
Brought us the first cell (shoe) phone
And Cone of Silence

Mel Brooks, Buck Henry
Were the big comedy brains
Behind spy buffoon

So Max Smart was dumb
Sidekick “99” was smart
And both made us laugh

“CONTROL” fought “KAOS”
Eventually, good guys won
But first chaos reigned

Belated wishes
Would’ve been better for Smart:
“Missed it by that much!”

Righteous Rev. Al Green,
Yeah, “I’m Still in Love With You”
And will be always

“Let’s Stay Together”:
Al, you sing; I’ll listen;
It’s better that way

The Scrabble man made
Special rule, always gave Green
Triple points for “soul”

Alfred Mosher Butts,
Architect, built legacy
Out of words instead

The Scrabble man says
The best resort for a spell
Is Dr. Webster’s

So what’s in a name?
You might ask if yours was “Butts”
Or your game struggled

“Lexico” became
“Criss Cross Words,” groped frantically,
Then scored as “Scrabble”

Rest is history:
One hundred fifty million
Game sets sold worldwide

“Will my ‘x’ work there”?
“What can I spell with this ‘z’?”
Games go on and on

Butts, at 93,
Put “finishe-” in front of “d”
Used up his letters

June 3, marking the deaths of “Dr. Death,” Jack Kevorkian, and James Arness of “Gunsmoke”

Terminally tasteless haiku:

Had a killer joke
To tell Dr. Jack; guess he
Heard it already

Get central casting
With Dr. Jack gone, ask who’s
Gonna play God now

So where do they keep
Jack Kevorkian’s body?
In a hemlocker

Guess they’ll have a wake
Guy on TV keeps saying
“Remains to be seen”

Sorry to make fun,
Dr. Jack, but I prefer
Injecting humor

Last roundup haiku:

Goodbye James Arness
An American classic
Like your show, “Gunsmoke”

‘Bye Marshal Dillon
For 20 years the perfect
Two-fisted lawman

‘Bye Marshal Dillon
Boys all wanted to be you
When we played cowboys

Goodbye James Arness
It was finally your time
To get outta Dodge

“Gunsmoke” meets “The Office” haiku:

To Miss Kitty says
Chester: “I like your Long Branch”
Matt: “That’s what she said!”

June 24, Peter Falk dies at age 83

Goodbye, Peter Falk,
Assembled one of the best
Dissemblers ever

But just one more thing,
Peter: How did Columbo
Solve all those cases?

Halting, grimacing
The world’s most rumpled raincoat
And no-go Peugeot

Always seemed clueless
I guess that was his secret
Bad guys dropped their guard

He wove a great web
And when it all was in place
Said, “Just one more thing …”

Falk had just one eye
But he saw exactly how
To play detective

Goodbye Peter Falk
Thanks for showing us things are
Seldom what they seem

Aug. 6, Google puts up some “I Love Lucy” clips for Lucille Ball’s 100th birthday

“Having a Ball” haiku

Lucy’s 100
Check out Google’s fun tribute
To comedienne

Ricky says if you
Didn’t love Lucy, you’ve got
Some ‘splainin’ to do

Lucy’s century
It’s been almost as wacky
As she, hasn’t it?

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