Speak English, please

Cheers, luv! Cheerio!
It’s Poetry Day, U.K.
Wonder what that means?

Because over there,
Lift means elevator, not
“Boost to your spirits”

Speaking of spirits,
The Brits get pissed, but that means
They’re drunk, not angry

If you’re pissed you might
Need both AA’s — the Brits’ means
Accident Assist

And liquor means broth
I guess that’s why the chef said,
“This chicken is stewed”

Crisps are chips and chips
Are fries, and biscuits are sweet
Much like our cookies

Lemonade’s fizzy
Not flat like ours — and you sleep
At your flat, if tired

And sex, OMG:
Hookers play rugby and knobs,
Well, they’re not on doors

And if someone’s there,
Ahem, banging on your door
They say you’re knocked up

Beaver means “man’s beard”
Don’t wanna know how they parse
The term “splitting hairs”

Chagrin seems built in
Lavatory means toilet
Not sink, so don’t drink!

And pants are undies
Best not to ask about pants
At second-hand shops

Averse to a verse?
No! Line ’em up, Anglo-phile,
For Poetry Day