We’re getting new software at work, so I’m in a crabby mood. What better time to revisit haiku about some of my pet language peeves? And why is it so many of us write as if we majored in English — as a second language? With the dates they appeared, in 2011.

March 2

Business buzzwords kill
Clear thought, communication,
Creativity

Business buzzwords kill:
Misusing “actionable”
Ought to get you sued

Business buzzwords kill:
Write “be pro-active” and you
Use no action verb

Business buzzwords kill:
You want to “incentivize”?
Let’s damn your “-ize” first

March 3

Business buzzwords kill:
Don’t write as if Staples had
A sale on hyphens

Business buzzwords kill:
“Client-centric”? What’s that mean?
Just put their needs first

Business buzzwords kill:
“Customer-oriented”?
In China, maybe

Business buzzwords kill:
“Patient-focused”? How about
Helping me get well?

March 4

Business buzzwords kill:
Don’t try to sound important
Just be clear instead

Business buzzwords kill:
Do you use Latinate words
In lieu of English?

Business buzzwords kill,
Or: “Speak in a dead language,
“You Latin lover!”

Business buzzwords kill:
Will someone please help the word
“Facilitator”?

Business buzzwords kill:
Synergy’s a favorite sin
Against plain English

Business buzzwords kill.
Synergy: When fuzzy thought
Meets fuzzy language

Business buzzwords kill:
“Back in the day”? Do you mean
This morning’s meeting?

Business buzzwords kill:
And don’t mix up “strategy”
And “tactic,” OK?

March 7

Business buzzwords kill:
Don’t baffle ’em with BS
Just do some good work

Business buzzwords kill:
“Provide solutions”? I don’t
Have a math problem!

Business buzzwords kill:
Does a Teflon exec have
A non-stick skill set?

Business buzzwords kill!
Core competencies, you know:
That’s what you do best

Business buzzwords kill:
I’d rather feel the Earth move
Than paradigms shift

Business buzzwords kill:
Paradigms? Is that about
My 20-cents’ worth?

Business buzzwords kill:
Paradise? A memo with
All paradigms lost

March 8

Business buzzwords kill:
End torture now! Starting with
The English language

Business buzzwords kill:
Is your “core competency”
Abusing English?

Business buzzwords kill:
Writers’ shift to “transition”
As a verb? Bad move

Business buzzwords kill:
Use “leverage” as a verb;
Write on borrowed time

Business buzzwords kill:
De-leverage your use of
Good nouns as bad verbs

Business buzzwords kill:
How to measure the rampant
Misuse of “metric”?

Business buzzwords kill:
And what measure tells us when
“Cutting edge” grew dull?

Business buzzwords kill:
Writers who can’t kick buzzwords
Really should buzz off