“Oh my heart” haiku

Michael Stipe, Jan. 4, 1960

Michael Stipe told me
What to write but I couldn’t
Understand the words

R.E.M.’s first work
Was like that, so propulsive
Yet inscrutable

Just when the mumbling
Was getting old, Stipe started

Words didn’t always
Make linear sense, but band
Had some things to say

The way they said it?
Unique. Trace scenes and connect
Hearts, feelings like dots

They did it somehow,
Though, without actually
Drawing any lines

Lost their religion
Found shiny happy, and damned
That radio song

Rocked out on “Monster”
Laughed at apocalypse, all
In a day’s work song

Felt gravity’s pull
But had one last disc to make
“Collapse Into Now”

End of R.E.M.
As millions of fans know it
And Michael feels fine

I’m on vacation, redux

I wish I were on vacation, but I’m not. Instead, I’m posting this batch from a spring vacation. It’s followed by a pre-summer-vacation batch, and then six batches from a July vacation in Southern California.

From March 30:

“Boo hoo, no haiku,”
A friend writes. “So what’s the deal?”
I’m on vacation!

I’m on vacation
But going nowhere real fast
Kinda like working!

I’m on vacation
All of me, not just my brain
Which checked out years back

As the Ramones say,
I’ll have to tell ’em I got
No cerebellum

I’m on vacation
But I did go to Borders
Discounting good sense

My home’s already
Crammed full of unread volumes
Begging to be cracked

My CD shelves sag
With rock ‘n’ roll, classical
And, yes, all that jazz

But could I resist
Borders’ zombie siren song?
You know the answer

Borders closeout sale
Books on everything except
How to walk away

“Famous Last Words” book:
Jeez, if I can’t top these quotes
Pray I die silent

Doctor Laura’s book
“Stop Whining and Start Living”
You go first, “Doctor”

And for just 5 bucks
“A Short History of the World”
Nah, not short enough

Man, it’s depressing
It seems that the only “Glee”
Is in the CDs

Borders closeout sale
87 copies of
“Essential Yanni”

Borders closeout sale
Punk prices rule! 5 bucks for
“Rocket to Russia”

One section does seem
Alphabetized: ZZ Top
Follows Vivaldi

Elsewhere, Fogerty
Meets Manilow, but what will
They sing? “Proud Copa”?

In another row
Britney, next to Placido,
Hits a high G string

Borders closeout sale
“Blue Kentucky Girl” real cheap
Makes me not so blue

R.E.M.’s right: End
Of the world as we know it.
And I feel a sigh

I’m on vacation
Giving further proof: A mind’s
A terrible thing

Rapture (as in feeling fine) haiku, redux

Harold Camping says
He was just 5 months early
World ends tomorrow

So it’s my last chance
To share these haiku from May
When he foresaw doom

From Friday, May 20:

Oakland minister
Says Saturday’s the Big One,
Beginning of end

Harold Camping out
Of his cotton-pickin’ mind
Predicts Judgment Day

Harold Camping out
Past reality’s edge, where
The buffaloed roam

So he was wrong back
In ’94 when he said
This before. So what?

Is he any more
Off than any preacher who
Claims to have THE truth?

Is he any more
Immoral than others who
Sell false certainties?

This geezer’s gonna
Stop our party? Yeah, him and
What Armageddon?

Aren’t these the same folks
Freaked about the deficit?
Explanation, please

The ones who say God
Will protect and save them but
Are armed to the teeth?

Atheists are poised
To rub their noses in it
When Sunday dawns bright

No gloating for me
But if some folks wise up I’ll
Toast their end of daze

End of the world? Nah.
Apocalypse whenever,
I say. Meanwhile, Peace!

Revelation addendum:

On the other hand
If you’re gone and I’m still here
Can I have your car?


Since the original prediction, R.E.M. has broken up. Could THAT be what Harold Camping was picking up vibes from? We’ll never know!