Category Archives: Everyday things

“Re-arranging deck chairs” haiku

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Just when I thought work
Couldn’t get more stressful it’s
Remodeling time

Hammers, power drills
Like MRI, root canal
All rolled into one

In my head I hear
“Hammer time!” and “Break it down!”
MC destruction

They came, they sawed, they
Conquered everything in sight.
Well, except the dust

Can you call back, say,
In six months when I can hear?
Or just hold till then?

But soon we’ll be put
In some now-vacant spaces
For several long months

‘Bye, desk of 12 years
A moving experience
I’m sure it will be

Cleaning out my drawers
Some stuff 34 years old
From my first days here

A seating chart, names
Lots dead, all but two gone from
This place of my heart

Time for globe trotting
Shanghaied to Siberia
Till makeover’s through

Temporary digs
No sun, windowless — so no
Defenestration

Disoriented
Isolated — feeling like
Motherless child, squared

But soon this blank space
Will be filled with my clutter
Start to feel like home

Then it will be time
Again to pack, move, enjoy
Shiny new space, cubed

Page-turning haiku

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Twenty eleven
Turn the page, with one last look
Over my shoulder

Blizzards buried us
More than once, driveway projects
Made shovel ready

Japan’s sakura
Wept nuclear tears after
Quakes and tsunami

Drought ravaged Texas
Floods swept Brazil while “leaders”
Denied climate change

Liz Taylor, Steve Jobs
Amy Winehouse, Peter Falk
Among those who died

Special Forces sent
Osama bin Laden on
To his great reward

Hitchens, Havel left
Had the decency to take
Kim Jong-il with them

Plenty of births, too
Planet passed 7 billion
Yearning to be free

That yearning filled streets
Egypt, Libya, Syria
Southern Sudan vote

9-11 had
Its 10th anniversary
Our troops left Iraq

Tea Party revolt
Upset balance perversely
Protecting the rich

Occupy Wall Street
Righted debate, spotlighted
Fairness and excess

President pushed back
In a Kansas town, found voice,
Fought for the workers

And billions woke up
Every day — worked, laughed, cried, loved
Kept the world turning

Mysteries will unfold
Let us greet them without fear
Twenty twelve awaits

“You can’t win, Amal” haiku

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Gangs of roving youth
Terrorize shoppers at Mall
Of America

But what better place
For mega food fight than Mall
Of America?

Pad Thai, burritos
Pasta, meatballs, pot stickers
Cheeseburgers all trashed

Dozens of kids throw
Melting pot of ethnic fare
Cops say for no cause

How about they judged
All that Food Court “food” guilty
Of fraud, price gouging?

In touch with inner
John Belushi, meted out
Justice with chaos

Juvy detention
Or coronary arrest?
Not a tasty choice

Abecedarian haiku, redux

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A few of these appeared first as part of an alphabetical string by the Facebook group Bad Haiku, of which I am a proud (?!) member. I felt challenged (Yeah, he’s challenged all right …) to do a series of my own, for which no one else would have to share the blame. These originally escaped in two batches, Aug.23 and 24.

Anything Aztecs
Achieved animatedly
Augmented action

Blake's behemoth


Bemused Blake bargains,
Buys big Biblical banner
Behemoth bisects

Crude, crass carnivore
Creeps, canters, cavorts, crashes,
Consumes carnally

Debauched demimonde
Deliciously declaiming
Decadent design

Effusive Edgar
Exceeding expectations
Exuberantly

Freaking fast Frederick
Filched filigreed finial
From Fannie’s fiefdom

Gregarious Greg
Gratefully going gaga,
Gorgeously gonzo

Hack’s hackneyed haiku
Hitting horrifying heights,
Haunting headhunters

Iphigenia’s
Ignominious igloo
Incited Iceland

Judicious Jutland’s
Justified jeremiad
Jolts jaded jackass

Kinetic karma:
Kamikaze Kangaroo
Kicks karate kin

Lass, laughter lilting,
Lightheartedly limning lines,
Lightens lover’s load

Monsanto musings:
Mystical mutant mustard?
Manifold mystique!

Native nasturtiums


Nina’s nifty nose
Nonchalantly noticing
Native nasturtiums

Octopus orders
Oriental opposite
Occidentally

Pampered pet pooches,
Plump, primped, partake plentiful
Porterhouse platter

Questioning quisling’s
Questionable qualities
Quite queasy quandary

Recumbent redhead
Risks rapidly receding
Reclines recklessly

Sibilant siblings
Steve, Sara, Sasha, Sonia
Sounding simply swell

Tall tales titillate
Tantalize, taunt temptingly
True trash to treasure

Unassumingly
Undulating undertow,
Unfathomable

Venerable van
Vaunted versatility
Valued vehicle

Which witch witchingly
Watches wastrels waste whiskey,
Wishing wistfully

Xerxes, Xenophon
X-ray Xeroxed xylographs
Xenophilicly

Yesteryear’s yearnings
Yellowing yearbooks yonder
Yoke your yesterdays

Zero, zenith, zilch
Ziggy zigzags zealously
Zooming zanily

And from the Squad Squad and the Department of Redundancy Department, one that was censored from the original batch:

Unabashedly
Undulating underwear
Unconscionable!

“Wanna see my iPhone’s lampshade app?” haiku

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Office party time
As if you don’t see enough
Of your co-workers

The Mistletoe Zone
Heaven or hell depending
On who’s there with you

Guess X marks the mass
Of folks sucking down free booze,
Costco canapes

And punch, our favorite
If you’re asking what we’d like
To do to the boss

Gee, I didn’t know
She could dance like THAT, didn’t
Know anyone could

And I thought tables
Were for setting our drinks on
I’d say she showed me

At least I know how
To hold my liquor — upraised,
Pinkie extended

Thank God the DJ’s
Really horrendous, or else
We’d be here all night

Office party time
At least once a year our firm’s
A well-oiled machine

“As if we needed an excuse” haiku

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Devil’s food, pumpkin,
Red velvet or carrot cake
Banana, lemon

Chocolate, vanilla
Coffee and peanut butter
Really can’t go wrong

We’re talking cupcakes
In almost any flavor
A few bites of bliss

Creme inside’s OK
And lay the frosting on thick
For some, that’s the point

Let’s send up a cheer
For National Cupcake Day
Once more with filling!

Old man haiku

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The old man’s profile
Black marble, jutting white hook
Eagle eye — and beak

The old man’s profile
Darkness, even in full sun
All crags and shadow

The old man’s profile
Stone silent, fixed in sorrow
Gazing toward the end

And if that ending bums you out too much, here’s proof a word or two can make a difference.

The old man’s profile
Stone silent, fixed in wisdom
Gazing toward the end

or

The old man’s profile
Stony silence, dignified
Gazing toward the end

Come January

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Come January
“Socialist” president says
Let’s cut heating aid

Come January
We’ll save 2 billion dollars
Presto! So simple!

Come January
That one cold budget number
Will make warm tears flow

Come January
The average heating aid check
Will be half last year’s

Come January
Thousands in one small state, Maine,
Will run out of heat

Come January
Average Bangor low will be
Just 7°

Come January
They’ll hear the jeers: “Get a job.”
“Too bad you’re lazy.”

Come January
Most of them will go to work
Some have two, three jobs

Come January
They’ll all wonder how to get
Through one more winter

At the holidays
When we are snug, think of them
Come January

“Happy birthday, Sam” haiku

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Mark Twain (Samuel Langhorne Clemens)
Nov. 30, 1835 – April 21, 1910

“Man is the only
“Animal that blushes. Or
“Needs to,” writes Mark Twain.

Few saw so clearly
Or captured so tellingly
Man’s lasting folly

Yet each of us knows
Someone wise, trenchant, witty
Who keeps us in line

A spouse or a friend
A comic or songwriter
A compass and muse

Garrison Keillor,
Neil Young or Bob Walkenhorst
Fill in your own blank

They’re still pointing out
Our glories, absurdities
So rest easy, Sam