‘Bye, Andy Rooney
“Don’t you hate it when your wings
“And halo don’t match?”
‘Bye, Andy Rooney
“Don’t you hate falling back for
“Demon Saving Time?”
R.I.P. Andy Rooney, two views haiku
Reply
Category Archives: A way with words
Random haiku
Chill rain, warm salt sweat
Commingle in runner’s rite
At pulsing temple
Dry gusts, humid breath
Weather patterns roil and clash
Cloud around his head
First flake of fall snow
Crystalline beauty, perfect,
Catches day’s last light
First flake of fall snow
Beguiling Goddamned gangster
You know he’ll bring friends
B.o.A. woos me
Kills debit card fee — too late
I’m feeling withdrawn
Here I sit, forlorn
So sweet, so ready, just like
Halloween candy
Lover’s sighs, baby’s
Laughs, fulfilling work’s rhythm
Monotony thrills
Coffee’s gurgling drip,
Lunch counter’s din, dinner’s peace
Monotony thrills
Valentine’s Day, redux
Written for Valentine’s Day, 2011.
Feb. 14, 2011
It’s Valentine’s Day!
Time for love letters filled with
Gooey promises
It’s Valentine’s Day!
Play some romantic music
And join my chorus
It’s Valentine’s Day!
“Let’s do it; let’s fall in love,”
Louie Armstrong sings
It’s Valentine’s Day!
This very day I proposed
Twenty-two years back
It’s Valentine’s Day!
“I’m Still in Love With You,” sings
Righteous Rev. Al Green
It’s Valentine’s Day!
“Our Love Is Here to Stay,” sings
Billie Holiday
It’s Valentine’s Day!
“We’ll Be Together Again”
Sing lovers who part
It’s Valentine’s Day!
Nothing should compare with what
True lovers can share
It’s Valentine’s Day!
You don’t need Cupid’s arrow
I’m all aquiver
It’s Valentine’s Day!
Tell the doctor to go home
Ain’t no cure for love
It’s Valentine’s Day!
Try “Once” if you want to watch
A romantic film
It’s Valentine’s Day!
Watch “About a Boy” and see
How love defines life
It’s Valentine’s Day!
You don’t have to be “in love”;
Enjoy your friendships
Caution: Blue (or at least blues-man) lyrics ahead:
It’s Valentine’s Day!
And my heart is double parked
So baby let’s roll
It’s Valentine’s Day!
Don’t leave me stuck in neutral
When the light turns green
It’s Valentine’s Day!
My battery’s fully charged
Turn the ignition
It’s Valentine’s Day!
Trust me baby, it’s all good
What’s under my hood
With apologies to Rodney Dangerfield:
It’s Valentine’s Day!
Meet me after school — you know,
When you have no class
OK, the cynicism finally sets in:
It’s Valentine’s Day!
Will you be mine forever?
At least till morning?
It’s Valentine’s Day!
Still looking for Mr. Right?
Or Mr. Right Now?
It’s Valentine’s Day!
Hug your sweetie; love your spouse
Just don’t let them meet
It’s Valentine’s Day!
February’s half over
You gotta love that
“Once more with filling,” redux
From a visit to the dentist, where actually I’m always treated well and kindly, by dentists and hygienists alike. This is the first of some “Everyday things” postings, followed by an annual checkup and a haircut.
From Feb. 22:
Dental cleaning day
My God, excruciating!
Hearing “lite” FM
They didn’t numb gums
Or teeth, but Jeez my poor brain
Went catatonic
“Easy listening”?
To rock ‘n’ roll ears that’s just
A big freakin’ lie
Molars, incisors,
Bicuspids all were agreed:
This music bites it
They thought I had lost
A filling. “No, music’s lost
“All feeling,” I said
“Please switch the station,”
I beg; they refuse, tell me
I should know the drill
Next time I’ll demand
Some Hendrix, or else I take
Hygienist hostage
Or maybe protest
Nonviolently, eat box
Of Oreos first
Or I will wimp out.
The mean hygienist, Flossy,
Always has me cowed
But please, just no more
Little River Band; how ’bout
Root canal instead?
Note: The “lite FM” station has changed formats, so on my recent dentist visit for the first time in memory I did not hear “Reminiscing” — and I didn’t miss it a bit.
KC to LA flight
“Nothing better to do on the plane” haiku, from July 2:
Scenic vacation
Gorgeous start; concrete runway’s
Best I’ve ever seen
It’s sardine city
Gill to gill, but at least we
Haven’t lost our heads
Overhead bins packed
40 of them, inch to spare
Attendant genius
Takeoff delay gives
People more time to not read
Books they brought with them
Runway memorized,
Silent wife trying to sleep
Time to people watch
Hmmm, can see only
Backs of heads; there’s some really
Bad hair on this flight
Gal across the aisle
Nose stud, tatoo, hair died black
Must be the real she
PA says “Carey,
Cody, Rita are our team”
— Or 3 Mouseketeers
Whoever they are
They sure talk fast; safety spiel
Breaks sound barrier
At last we’re aloft
iPads, iPods, iTouches
Somewhere, Steve Jobs smiles
“Waitress in the Sky”
Replacements’ song put them down
But man, what service
Coffee, snacks, refills
Blinding smiles, blonde hair, nice bods
Shallow male’s happy
Bathroom break, best to
Have a plan going in, there’s
No room to change mind
One in-flight bummer:
Noise canceling headphones mean
I can’t hear Ramones
Out the window, clouds
Then canyons, light and shadow
Etched into the Earth
Approaching LA
Swimming pools dot the landscape
Like little blue pills
Man at airport shouts
“I want a divorce!” Will she
Be his LA ex-?
KC to LA
Two extra hours appear
Straight from Twilight Zone
Pismo Beach
From July 2-4:
The beach on the Fourth
Red, white, and blue, and that’s just
Tourists’ skin and lips
Bodies every shape
Umbrellas every color
Waves — just green, white, gray
Dreadlocks past her waist,
Wide body, richly tattooed
A living mural
Romping on wet sand
Playing tag, catching some rays
And that’s just the dogs
Two women, two dogs
Whippet, chihuahua, that’s the
Long and short of it
Diversity dogs
Golden-yellow by design
Big cross-bred beauties
Chihuahua trio
A dozen tap-dancing paws
Strain sequined leashes
Neat slashes in sand
Gangs mark their territory
The gulls and the terns
Beach boy loves the birds
But wishes they all could be
California gulls
Heads bob, dots in foam
Chocolate M&M’s in waves
Of ocean frosting
Solitary sail
An antenna attuned to
Wavelengths of the sea
Idyllic beach scene
Like movie but God doesn’t
Turn off wave machine
Lifeguard Station 5
Abandoned alien craft
From ’50s planet
Tiny house, west wall
Nothing but windows, gazing,
Catching every wave
San Simeon
From July 5:
Times few and fleeting
The beauty’s overwhelming
And life’s a postcard
Waves shatter sunlight
Seven thousand silver shards
Refract and reflect
Lone boulder juts up
Takes surf’s pounding, makes its plans
For next thousand years
Seaweed leaves, networks
Of brown veins, like discarded
PC circuit boards
Pop pop popping pods
On a long skein of seawood
Neptune’s bubble wrap
Panhandler sponges:
“Something to tide me over?”
“Here’s a sand dollar”
Pelicans in flight
Angled, prehistoric like
A ’60 Buick
Soft setting sunlight
Dusts the contours of her face
Unparalleled view
Fingernail moon sinks
Into its own reflection
Lights out on the bay
Fire pit, aglow
No match for the icy waves
Breaking in my heart
Quarter moon, chilling
Sends down silver white pathway
Splits the inky sea
Quarter moon, no rest
For waves’ mistress on her quest,
Longing for fullness
Raging haiku
I wish I could write
Like Dylan Thomas, verses
Intoxicating
And not just verses
Scripts and short stories, an ear
That never failed him
Though how could he fail
With Welsh place names like “Mumbles”
For inspiration?
But however strong
His work, his body was frail
Whisky his death knell
Rage for him we must
Drink deeply this life, and his
“Griefs of the ages”
“Someone REALLY needs a cup of coffee” haiku
Making school lunches
And brewing up the dark roast
The job has its perks
Oops! Added too much
Yoda says: “Right state of bean
“There is no ‘too much’ ”
Joe from Sumatra,
Guatemala, Honduras,
Ethiopia
Golly Malawi,
Dominican Republic,
Zambia zingers
Jamaica mean pot?
I Haiti when that happens
Uganda drink it?
Tastebuds round the world
I almost forgot Java
Kenya believe it?
Rapture (as in feeling fine) haiku, redux
Harold Camping says
He was just 5 months early
World ends tomorrow
So it’s my last chance
To share these haiku from May
When he foresaw doom
From Friday, May 20:
Oakland minister
Says Saturday’s the Big One,
Beginning of end
Harold Camping out
Of his cotton-pickin’ mind
Predicts Judgment Day
Harold Camping out
Past reality’s edge, where
The buffaloed roam
So he was wrong back
In ’94 when he said
This before. So what?
Is he any more
Off than any preacher who
Claims to have THE truth?
Is he any more
Immoral than others who
Sell false certainties?
This geezer’s gonna
Stop our party? Yeah, him and
What Armageddon?
Aren’t these the same folks
Freaked about the deficit?
Explanation, please
The ones who say God
Will protect and save them but
Are armed to the teeth?
Atheists are poised
To rub their noses in it
When Sunday dawns bright
No gloating for me
But if some folks wise up I’ll
Toast their end of daze
End of the world? Nah.
Apocalypse whenever,
I say. Meanwhile, Peace!
Revelation addendum:
On the other hand
If you’re gone and I’m still here
Can I have your car?
—————————–
Since the original prediction, R.E.M. has broken up. Could THAT be what Harold Camping was picking up vibes from? We’ll never know!
Greg's Hack-u 