Category Archives: Everyday things

I’m on vacation, redux

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I wish I were on vacation, but I’m not. Instead, I’m posting this batch from a spring vacation. It’s followed by a pre-summer-vacation batch, and then six batches from a July vacation in Southern California.

From March 30:

“Boo hoo, no haiku,”
A friend writes. “So what’s the deal?”
I’m on vacation!

I’m on vacation
But going nowhere real fast
Kinda like working!

I’m on vacation
All of me, not just my brain
Which checked out years back

As the Ramones say,
I’ll have to tell ’em I got
No cerebellum

I’m on vacation
But I did go to Borders
Discounting good sense

My home’s already
Crammed full of unread volumes
Begging to be cracked

My CD shelves sag
With rock ‘n’ roll, classical
And, yes, all that jazz

But could I resist
Borders’ zombie siren song?
You know the answer

Borders closeout sale
Books on everything except
How to walk away

“Famous Last Words” book:
Jeez, if I can’t top these quotes
Pray I die silent

Doctor Laura’s book
“Stop Whining and Start Living”
You go first, “Doctor”

And for just 5 bucks
“A Short History of the World”
Nah, not short enough

Man, it’s depressing
It seems that the only “Glee”
Is in the CDs

Borders closeout sale
87 copies of
“Essential Yanni”

Borders closeout sale
Punk prices rule! 5 bucks for
“Rocket to Russia”

One section does seem
Alphabetized: ZZ Top
Follows Vivaldi

Elsewhere, Fogerty
Meets Manilow, but what will
They sing? “Proud Copa”?

In another row
Britney, next to Placido,
Hits a high G string

Borders closeout sale
“Blue Kentucky Girl” real cheap
Makes me not so blue

R.E.M.’s right: End
Of the world as we know it.
And I feel a sigh

I’m on vacation
Giving further proof: A mind’s
A terrible thing

Vacation beckons

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From June 28:

Haiku hiatus
Internet independence
Vacation beckons!

Who knows what treasures
In 17 syllables
I’ll bring back with me?

In the meantime, friends,
Enjoy your respite; I know
My targets will, too

And “For those about to beach, we salute you,” from June 30:

My toes in the sand
Big umbrella overhead
Small one in my drink

Let God count the grains
Of sand; my kids will track them
Back to the hotel

Surf sound so soothing
All of this year’s pent-up stress
Goes out with the tide

Blustery day haiku, redux

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Reminiscent of our weather yesterday and today, from April 4

Around here lately
Every day has been winds-day
Isn’t that right, Pooh?

It’s not just bluster
That destroyed the owl’s house
And has wrecked mine, too

How windy is it?
My breezeway just blew away
Roof’s not far behind

How windy is it?
Hammer blew away trying
To nail my stuff down

How windy is it?
They’re lashing kids to street signs
At the bus stop

How windy is it?
Forget leaves; entire trees
Are blowing away

How windy is it?
The wig shop is offering
Free Gorilla Glue

How windy is it?
I don’t even have to dance
To make my tie fly

How windy is it?
Like talk radio bombast:
Blustery and wild

Wild like a toddler
With his diaper off — Oh no!
There goes the diaper

What else just blew by?
Was that a small animal?
Or Donald Trump’s hair?

Windy? It’s a first
Across the great Kansas plains
Windmills overheat

Tumbleweeds tumble
Faster than the Roadrunner
In this kind of gale

Dylan, Hendrix sing,
“And the wind began to howl”
Pee-wee says, “Well, duh”

The answer, my friend,
Blew down the street yesterday
And is long gone now

“Someone REALLY needs a cup of coffee” haiku

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Making school lunches
And brewing up the dark roast
The job has its perks

Oops! Added too much
Yoda says: “Right state of bean
“There is no ‘too much’ ”

Joe from Sumatra,
Guatemala, Honduras,
Ethiopia

Golly Malawi,
Dominican Republic,
Zambia zingers

Jamaica mean pot?
I Haiti when that happens
Uganda drink it?

Tastebuds round the world
I almost forgot Java
Kenya believe it?

The best is yet to come

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The Rainmakers have a new video out. I thought there might be one or two people reading this who haven’t seen it. So there it is. It’s also a good excuse to post some more semi-related pre-blog stuff. Again, chances are good if you’re reading this you know the Rainmakers were a 1980s and ’90s band from Kansas City that got back together this year, 25 years after their first album, and cut another great album, “25 On,” pretty much in five days. (Get it here: http://tinyurl.com/655s34s.)

Anyway, as I get older it’s inspiring and heartening to see people my age and older doing amazing things, and to feel that I’ve never been quite so alive and capable and creative. Thus, “Old Guys” haiku, from March 16:

Old guys have the chops
Rainmakers “25 On”
Better than ever

Old guys really rock
Neil Young, like a hurricane,
Still blows us away

Old guys have the goods
Neil Young showed the way, out-grunged
Every new grunge band

Old guys have Mojo
Like Tom Petty cranking out
His 15th album

Old guys have the touch
Land a plane on the Hudson?
Sully was no kid

Old guys have vision
Frank Lloyd Wright in his 60s
Dreamed Fallingwater

Old guys have the ear
Janacek wrote his classics
At 70-plus

Old guys kick your ass
Then effortlessly drink you
Under the table

Old guys keep going
They were just born to outlast
Punks and pretenders

Old guys do it all
At least the ones who really
Could in the first place

The only thing that
Really gets old is people
Hung up about age

And here’s a little Rainmakers addendum, from April 13, reference to Hendrix’s saying, “Oh no, I’m out of tune again; well, only cowboys stay in tune.”

“Tuning’s for cowboys,”
Jimi said; Rainmakers say,
“Rehearsing’s for kids”

Pretty pictures haiku

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Check today’s Google doodle!

The artist Mary Blair
Born 100 years ago
Light, motion, color

On Disney’s canvas
Brought our fairy tales to life
In 1950s

From “Cinderella”
To “Alice in Wonderland,”
“Peter Pan,” “Dumbo”

Her storied career
Continued with Golden Books’
Bright illustrations

On laps, TV screens,
From story books, DVD’s
Her gentle flame glows

Bright idea haiku

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Thomas Edison
In 1879
A light bulb came on

Electric moment
Banished darkness forever
With incandescence

Edison, who said,
“There are no rules here,” made light
Of his glowing feat

Before his light bulb
What popped up over folks’ heads
When ideas came?

More efficient lights
Taking their place — Edison
Would want it that way

Rapture (as in feeling fine) haiku, redux

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Harold Camping says
He was just 5 months early
World ends tomorrow

So it’s my last chance
To share these haiku from May
When he foresaw doom

From Friday, May 20:

Oakland minister
Says Saturday’s the Big One,
Beginning of end

Harold Camping out
Of his cotton-pickin’ mind
Predicts Judgment Day

Harold Camping out
Past reality’s edge, where
The buffaloed roam

So he was wrong back
In ’94 when he said
This before. So what?

Is he any more
Off than any preacher who
Claims to have THE truth?

Is he any more
Immoral than others who
Sell false certainties?

This geezer’s gonna
Stop our party? Yeah, him and
What Armageddon?

Aren’t these the same folks
Freaked about the deficit?
Explanation, please

The ones who say God
Will protect and save them but
Are armed to the teeth?

Atheists are poised
To rub their noses in it
When Sunday dawns bright

No gloating for me
But if some folks wise up I’ll
Toast their end of daze

End of the world? Nah.
Apocalypse whenever,
I say. Meanwhile, Peace!

Revelation addendum:

On the other hand
If you’re gone and I’m still here
Can I have your car?

—————————–

Since the original prediction, R.E.M. has broken up. Could THAT be what Harold Camping was picking up vibes from? We’ll never know!

Food haiku, redux

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Harvard has a new food plate, and it looks better than the USDA one that came out in June to replace the food pyramid. Here’s my take on that first one, from June 3.

Food pyramid? Dead!
Replaced by a carved-up plate
Appetizing? No!

Maybe that’s the point
So we’ll eat less, but I have
So many questions

Wine must count as fruit
And beer’s under grains? I know
That’s where doughnuts go

Carrot cake’s under
Vegetables, that’s obvious
With zucchini bread

That dairy circle
Is ice cream, right? Expanding
Waistlines want to know!

Hosni Mubarak’s
Gotta be bummed. First his job,
Now the pyramid

And does this mean all
Middle Eastern food is out?
Cancel the hummus!

What about tapas?
How many small plates will fit
In this danged big plate?

Too many questions!
I’ll keep the pyramid — with
A cherry on top

http://www.hsph.harvard.edu/nutritionsource/what-should-you-eat/pyramid/

Random haiku

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Cold air, frosted ground
December morning wanders
Into October

Olive oil question:
How is it that something can
Be extra virgin?

October’s the month
To adopt a shelter dog
Diamonds in the “ruff”